


Gurdiuns of teh Guluxi Begins

by KingCroweOfCamelot, peelace



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014), Guardians of the Galaxy - All Media Types
Genre: Multi, WARNING may contain emotion, lel, not safe for work unless you work in a brothel, rude words, severe penetration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:56:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2153205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingCroweOfCamelot/pseuds/KingCroweOfCamelot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/peelace/pseuds/peelace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"A fantastic, fluent story written by two magnificent authors, really extracts the emotion from deep within. Five stars."<br/>~The Daily Mail</p><p>"Good, but get out mi car"<br/>~My Mum</p><p>"That's what"<br/>~She</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy and leave kudos and comments xx

Starlord was feeling ‘ungrey one day so he turned to groot and said

“Cun i huv sum duck?”

“am i groot?” groot said furiousified

Rocket turned round and noticed peter was being nasty to groot

“no quille, stoop”

Starlord was upset

“my mumma dyed of cancur dunt offund mi plz!”

Groot began to cry

“groot i am” he whispered forlornly into gamora’s ear hole

Gamora looked shocked

“eew groot stop sexing mi”

“yeah thats mi job” starlord said

“eew no starlord dunt tuch mi”

Hahahahahah they all laughed

Drax stood up and snapped groot in half

“here is half a groot” he said holding half of groot up to the shaft of shimmering light that penetrated the ship

“guess wat” starlord called

“wat” evry1 else replid

“this is mi ship and i am starlord”

“yuss” evry1 replid enthusiastically

“then this is mi starship hahahahahlol”

Evry1 was insulted at the niki minaj pun so they beat him

“NASTY NASTY HOBBITSIS” called rocket from afar as drax shoved the dead bodi of peter up his anus

“oooh yuss bruh” said drax as he felt the burn

“luk a slug” cried the gamora in ernest

It was a slug and it was crawling up the ship

“stop” said the slug in a morgan freeman voice, “stop this treachery. U r all accused of reckless faggotry”

Drax took peter out of his bum and put him in the shower to rinse him of the clear gooey liquid which clung to his testicles

“turn to jesus. He is savior.” The slug said, decreeing to all the guardians “enough now. I must gow”

and slug fell to his unpreventable death with a single tear of cum rolling from his nine eyes

“well that was an adventure” said peter happily, smiling at the camera and preparing himself for another penetration.

The end


	2. Chapter 2

“fed me” cried gamora from the bottom of her pit

“no” said drax “you are in there for a reason”

“yes. U must lurn ur lessun” said starlord from the bathtub

Gamora fell to the floor in despair

“nnnooo” she wailed through her nose

Hahahahahahahahahahha

“here” called rocket as he poured pink paint over her

“maybe you’ll look normal now you green skinned pathetic freak. Ur as much use as mi mothers butt nipple”

She cried.

The paint hurt her fragile skin because it was hard

As a lesbian, she was not used to hard things

Hahaha

~~“it’s ok gamora” said groot wait n t~~ ~~o shi~~ “i am groot” said groot 

“no u r faggut” said starlord. 

How he laughed. He laughed so hard that his willy shot up to the sky in a laughter erection 

“mi mi, what a big dick u hav starlorrrrd or should i say penislordd hahah” taunted rocket 

“u cant talk u fuckin penile wart, ur nothin butt a fury twat coated in cum” said starlord regretfully 

“ENUGH ABUSE we r all frinds” said gamora 

“shut up u slimi hoe” they all chimed 

“i eat groot” said groot 

“EW GROOT” they shout nonchalantly 

“cannibal” 

“Hannibal” 

“grootibal” 

“grootiballsack” 

“HAH BUT GROOT DUSN’T HAV A BALL SACK BCUZ IT WAS LOPPED OFF BI THE FORRESTER” said rocket 

“yuss rocket” said drax, “the forrester that was looking for wood” 

OH MY GOD cried evry1 “such erection pun” 

“cun we plz stup talkin bout penus” said gamora “as a lesbian it urts mi precious vag” 

“im a lesbian too” said starlord “ i leik gurls” 

Hurray 

“i’m a lesbian too” said drax, “my wife was a gurl” 

“me too” chimed rocket “i held a gurls balls once” 

“NO ROCKET THAT IS NOT LESBIAN” 

“Wat” said gamora

“We’re all lesbians 2” said starlord 

“no no no” said gamora “I am Lebanese, not lesbian” 

“oooooooooooooooh” say they all 

Such a shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no offence to ani1 plz no h8


	3. rETURN of ronan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan returns with his glorious eyebrows to the ship. All the Guardians are shocked.
> 
> WARNING: Contains Graphic Lee Pace and Major Character Death

dum dum dum dum dumdudmdudmududmdujmumdudmdudmdudmddudmdum

That's the way Starlord's morning goes. 

UNTIL

descending from the cieling of the bathroom, dressed in a corset made of eyebrow fluff, he saw his mortal enemy.

ROONANNANNAN (whats ma name)

hahahahahaha evry1 screms at rehianna

Ronan desecendsf slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwkly

"muhanananananahahahaah" he screiked as he opened the bathroom door and steped out in to the bondage chamber

"look" gamora queefed "it's thranduil"

"NON" ronan cried, "that is not approproate for a such bondage"

"what"

"england is not my first languaguage" he explained with a serpent look in his (japs)eye(s)

"I can tell you ununedicated swin" called rocket froim his bondage box

drax the  _destroyer_ held his whip in his arse cheks. 

"mum mum mum what do we have hererere??" he said approiching  ~~thrand~~  rownan, thwacking his wip from side to side with the power of twerk, in his eyes shone a steely look of sexuaul atrtraction and gritty determination. As tears started to fall over his cheeked bones like rivers down a rocky mountainous terrain, he reflected on his life and stopped twerkiung immediately.

"you look BLUE,

let me change that for YOU!" cried rocket

evry1 lafted at the pun and rhythmic arrangement of the stanzas in rocket's detailed prose

there was a short pause, then rocket filled ronanan with his love juices.

ronan screamed

"I did not have done consent to this!" he cried while his anal canal flooded with the sweet, liquidy raccon juice, which gamora was ready to lap up once rocket had slimaxed

LOL

once rocket withdrew his shaft of terror, gamora jumped right in

up she travelled, so far up ronans anus that she broke his rectum and began wooshing through his intestine

ow

she lapped the juices 

but they did not taste nice.

suddeneleyely she colaapsed!

oh n0!

**triggr wornings: juice drinking**

thee racconn juice was poisinous for girls! 

she died insntantly.

they all cried.

but she hadn't yet returned from the anus of ronan, so she shrivled up in his intestine

oooh

"Well" starlord said, "thats gonna be hard to shit out"

the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unuthur chuptur cumun up suun :)

**Author's Note:**

> Bet you didn't expect that! What a cliffhanger! AMIRITE?! lol  
> More to cum in this fantastic series.


End file.
